Weblog

Sunday, 20 January 2008

  • so the secret's out. the parents found out about the atheism. not that i really tried to hide it...i knew when i came home for winter break that i couldn't keep living a lie. i couldn't pretend anymore. so i let them find out, and now i'm wondering if it was a huge mistake. at first, everything seemed okay. i thought they would be fine with it. but now i see...they just think i'm going through a phase; they say that it's normal to question god. but they don't realize that i'm no longer in the "questioning" stage; i went through the "questioning" stage years ago. but how do i tell them that? how do i say that, in spite of--no, because of--all the years of catholic school, all the sunday evenings spent at church, i am an atheist? but how can i not? how can i let them think this is a new development? how can i let them think that they can still convert me back to "the flock"? it seems every time religion comes up, it's going to be a fight. they don't seem to understand that i would be a hypocrite if, throughout my future career in science, i spend six days a week living and breathing the scientific method but turn around on sundays and reject it completely in exchange for whimsical notions from an archaic book. they try to tell me that religion and science are compatible...do they not see how often religion has compromised itself in the face of contradictory science? how many scientific ideas were declared blasphemous by the almighty catholic church only to be later accepted when the ideas became widespread knowledge? they blind themselves to the contradictions because they want to believe, because it helps them understand what they cannot comprehend...but they cannot understand why i refuse to believe, why i need evidence, why i will not just believe something because it's a nice idea. the only way humans have ever acquired knowledge has been through science, through a critical examination of the natural world. i don't want to seem hostile; i don't want to sound like i'm trying to deconvert them from their religion. but i also don't want to seem as if i'm backing away from my position, because they will only see that as an opportunity to "convince" me that their god is real despite the blatant lack of evidence. well, only one more week til i go back to school; i think i can last that long.

        "So if your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell."                         --Matthew 18:8-9
    it is my head which has caused me to "sin"--the "sin" of thinking for myself and rejecting the irrational. should i then cut off my head in order to be "saved" from this so-called "hell"?

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

  • hell...

    so i've been thinking. the believers say that the nonbelievers go to hell. but they also claim that everyone was made by their god. so i'm going to go out on a limb here--let's assume, just for a moment, that they're right, that god made each and every one of us just the way we are. then this god character must've "made" me a skeptic, "made" me likely to question his existence even with a religious upbringing, essentially "made" me an atheist. but if all nonbelievers go to hell, then that would seem to be my destiny. however, how could i be punished for being an atheist when god "made" me an atheist? what kind of god would punish one of his creations for his own faulty creation job? certainly no god that i'd put blind faith in!
    when my high school religion teacher first told me that anyone who doesn't believe in god and jesus goes to hell, i remember thinking, "well, what kind of threat is that? if they don't believe in god, it follows logically that they don't believe in heaven and hell either."
    so when the religious folks ask me if i'm afraid that i'll go to hell, i just laugh; after all, there's nothing to fear but fear itself...quite literally.

Sunday, 13 January 2008

  • religions

    so i found this quiz on the internet which asks about 20 questions, then tells you which religion you are...or should be. figured i may as well give it a go, even though i had a good idea what i was. here's the top seven:
    1. secular humanism (100%)
    2. unitarian universalism (92%)
    3. nontheist (85%)
    4. liberal quakers (77%)
    5. theravada buddhism (72%)
    6. mainline to liberal christian protestants (69%)
    7. neo-pagan (63%)
    wow...77% liberal quaker? definitely didn't expect something like that. it's the 85% nontheist that bugs me. i mean, what happened to that last 15%? i'll bet that quiz was written by a bunch of god-fearing apes. and where did the roman catholic beliefs i was raised into fall? a healthy 15%, ranked at #26 out of 27. that one sure made my day!
    and my top fit did get me to thinking...maybe i should start calling myself a secular humanist, not just an atheist....

Wednesday, 09 January 2008

  • "give anything but i won't give up"

    there's one thing i miss about not having a car at school that i never knew i missed until i re-experienced it over winter break--driving on the highway late at night with not a car around and the radio blasting, when you suddenly realize you're doing 75 in a 55 zone and don't even give a damn cuz there ain't a cop around to stop you. i never thought i'd miss something so simple...

Tuesday, 08 January 2008

  • ...

    and now i wait here, worn and weary, watching to world go by.
    waiting and wondering and watching...dreaming and scheming.
    learning, yearning, turning...hoping, coping, moping...
    confused but patient, lost but content, deprived and depriving.
    i lose myself again, falling down-down, down into the abyss,
    down into the abyss and you watch you watch, you laugh
    i weep inside, but never let it show...for courage is my last facade
    last mask i wear and never will release until
    until, perhaps, i cease to be myself...
    and then, i fail, i fail, i shall not see again
    my life
    it fades
    again
    do you remember me?
    do i remember me?
    how much have i sacrificed?
    it's all a blur, my memories slip away
    i wonder "why?", so simple, and realize...
    it matters...nevermore...

Top Tags - Weblog

[no tags]

primenumbers7919

  • Visit primenumbers7919's Xanga Site
    • Name: Alexus
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 1/7/2008

Pulse

Weblog Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

About Me

  • I am a citizen of the Cosmos, seeking to understand how the universe works, free from the burdens of the supernatural. I enjoy a good challenge, and try to learn from each experience.

Photostrip

[no photos]